Friday, June 15, 2007

Domestic Disturbance!!

I read this news recently about an Indian Couple in USA who was arrested for enslaving and torturing two south asian women.Shocking as it may seem, the attitude of an average Indian is deplorable to say the least!How many times have you heard people whining about how much the "Bais" charge these days....and how the 'situation' was so much better in the past?If you think about it....what we spend on domestic help is not even 1-5% of our monthly income. Yes...Just 1 to 5 Rs for every 100 you earn..for a job you NEVER will do! It's less than what you'll spend on a movie or a dinner. Good bargain for someone without whom many households will come to a standstill...right? Did I mention they have NO health insurance....No Sick/Casual leaves?? Hell....they dont even have a weekly off like the rest of the world! Nope...no national Holidays either. Ever thought how amused you'll be if your 'Bai' skipped work on Republic Day??"What the hell has she got to do with it?" You might say to yourself as you plant your behind in the sofa to watch the parade!So the next time you hear anyone cribbing about how much money they have to pay the domestic help, remind yourself....we are lucky!!you know why?..Because even if they demand ten times as much, we are going to PAY! We are too freaking lazy and too addicted to someone else cleaning up our mess!So Shut your trap...and pay up!!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

I have a Dream!

Yes! Just like Martin Luther King, I have a Dream! And I hope it moves my fellow countrymen just as much as the everlasting speech.

1. I have a dream....that Shilpa Shetty realizes Big brother is over!! You aren’t a part of any popularity contest anymore Shilpa. This is what she had to say about her future plans in a recent interview. "I am opening a restaurant in London. I am launching a perfume. And I want to continue to be a good daughter to my parents. That will be my biggest achievement." Nice plan Shilpa! I wish we could vote you off showbiz for serving such a load of crap!!
The only good thing about it is that my parents might hear it. They'll finally realize how hard it is to be a good kid...so they can stop giving me hard time for being 'difficult'.

2. I have a dream....to see a Yashraj movie without following sickening clich├ęs:
-- A punju character who seems to be either on Ecstasy or Viagra. Notice how these characters either break into a bhangra move every now and then...or hit on anything that moves!
-- Hero who calls old hags around him 'sexy'!
-- Kids who know every detail of their parents' love story!

3. I have a dream....that Ram Gopal Verma knows we don’t give a rat's ass about his sholey remake anymore!
First there were those innumerable changes in casting; and now the fiasco about it's name.
It was changed from 'Ram Gopal Verma ke sholey' to 'Ram Gopal Verma ka Gabbar' because of copyright issues. Now as it turns out, even 'Gabbar' has been copyrighted by the sippys. So it's going to be 'Ram Gopal Verma ka azgar'! I just hope Rajiv Rai has copyrighted the 'Azgar Jurrat' from his unforgettable 'Vishwatma'! That'd be fun...right?

4. I have a dream....that Abhishek Bachchan stops acting like some west coast rapper! Abhi, leave being a trendsetter to your daddy...will you? You are like that kachcha nimbu in galli cricket who gets to bat 3 times just because his daddy is secretary of the building!!! Besides, gangsta people don’t run off to Varanasi to do 'Sankat Mochan' before they get married! Only thing pimpin about you is that you are sleeping with a wh.................well you get the picture.

5. I have a dream....that someone tells the following people to find something they CAN do!
-- Arbaaz Khan
-- Ashmit Patel
-- Amrita Arora
-- Riya Sen
These dumbasses wont take the hint...so let me explain it to them. Honeys...this is how it works.
Your Mommy, Daddy, Brother or Sister (as applicable to each) is an astronaut doesnt mean YOU get to walk on the moon!!
PS. Feel free to add to this list. But anyone who disagrees will have to name 5 films of each one of them before writing a HATE mail or acidic comments.



Friday, June 1, 2007

Impasse

I shall start with a quote from Siobhan Davies
- There's that dilemma - you want an audience to really enjoy what you're doing, and sometimes that requires them to know a lot about your subject.
So this post might sound absurd.

I was walking on an obscure road. The person walking in front of me seemed to be in some hurry. A Rs 100 note fell down from his pocket. I was the only one who saw it...... rest of the world totally oblivious to it. I knew the guy....i don’t know from where...or how.... "The guy wont even realize he lost 100bucks; let alone who took it" I thought to myself.....strangely aware of his well being. An ironic grin flashed as I unknowningly felt my empty pockets.
I really wanted those 100 bucks. "They are much more precious to me!"...I tried to reason with myself.

I woke up and felt terrible.....
“No one was watching! So what if I felt like taking it? Big deal!!” I tried to cheer myself up. But the contrition almost made me puke!
“What rubbish!" I thought as I clenched my fists to defeat this voice; "I didn’t even pick it up! " ......It didnt help.
"Yeah right!! So now am I supposed to be broke AND penitent??" I wasn’t going down without a fight....this was an attack on my self respect. But the feeling was obdurate.
"What am I?.....a freaking priest?"....i kept delivering blows hoping to get over this deleterious guilt trying to conquer my very BEING!
"Anyone would feel what i felt"...I kept going.

But like all bad dreams......it refuses to leave me.....it haunts me every time I face myself. I wish I could figure it out.....
I have done terrible things in past. This greed doesn’t even come close to any of them! Why then must this stupid question trouble me so much?

The answer might lie in the following-
'Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves. But deep down below the surface of the average conscience a still, small voice says to us, 'Something is out of tune!!!'